I'm at my wits' end. When I was that the bus stop last night, I called The Boy, like I always do when I'm waiting for the bus. He said he called his parents' house to talk to A about a game or something, and J answered the phone and asked if he'd gotten the "411." She then told him that his ex was on her way over to spend the night. They laughed over how pathetic it was. They hung up and his mom called him back and said, "So I heard you called and J told you something she wasn't supposed to." Needless to say, that pissed him off to no end. But she pacified him by saying that she was just going there to hang out with M, and they didn't want to upset us, blah blah blah.

Today, I'm online talking to M, and she's talking about what a wonderful date she had last night with the guy she just started seeing. Obviously, I found that a little funny. So I said, "Wow... she goes all the way there to hang with you, and you ditch her?" She said, (and I quote) "she hung with my mom and then my sis and her went to see the notebook..and i didnt want to go so i went out with matt..and then i got home at 11 and me and her hung all night chatting about life and shit and catching up.... it was great. and today we hung out....got pizza and now c is coming up to hang. i dont want to sound mean..or anything..but ive missed her..and i no the awkward position ur in.....i get that..but i dont no ive missed her alot..just cause we use to be soo close u no..im sorry"

My response was, "It's cool. Anyway, I have tons of work to do, so we'll talk later, k?"

If someone had told me that I would still be dealing with this after three years, I would have said it wasn't worth it. Right now, I'm saying it might not even be worth it. I'm so fucking sick of it. I can't build a bond with my "new family" while they're still like this. It's like she's a fucking saint or something. I'm so sick of it. If the shoe were on the other foot, they would think it was inexcuseable. Every time I think we're making progress (looking at pictures together and making plans, etc. the other night), something like this happens. I can't fucking deal with this anymore. I can't go over there every week, the best version of myself, posing as a member of the family, knowing that she is still such a big part of their lives. And The Boy is even more upset than I am, if possible.

What the fuck do I do??? I know. Nothing. I can't go over there for dinner this weekend. I won't.