I keep thinking about the piece of paper and plastic card that's currently sitting in my dresser drawer, buried under three pairs of pants. What do they mean? When will I know? What if the trip comes and goes with no proposal?

I feel, in my heart of hearts, that he will do it on the balloon. By the way, I was mistaken when I said that we saw the ring before Christmas. I went through my blog archives and saw that it was actually in March. God, it feels like years ago. Not two months ago.

So now I'm thinking that he was the person who bought that ring the next day. Re-reading what I wrote, how he made such a huge deal over, "Well, if I'd known you liked it so much..." and "It's not THAT nice, is it?", making me say how much I loved it, over and over... Now I'm thinking he bought it then. Knowing him, he could totally hide it this long.

We had a pretty long talk the other night about our sex life (or lack thereof). He compares me to his ex, which we also had a long talk about. He said that the only part of his relationship with her that was good was the sex, and that's the only part of his relationship with me that is lacking.

I told him that, among other things, I would appreciate it if, in the future, he could just state how he feels and how he would like things to be, without referring to "her" and comparing me to her in a negative way. I also told him that, if I felt he was into "us" 100% emotionally, then I could probably let go and get into us 100% sexually. I told him how I hate it that he only kisses me passionately in the bedroom, that he doesn't console me when I need him to, and that tiny things, like hugging me with one arm instead of both, make me feel like he only loves me half-assedly.

I was pleasantly surprised by how receptive he was, even apologetic. He promised that he would make an effort and so did I.

I know it's not healthy to be so uninterested in sex when we've only been together for three years, but I guess I shot myself in the foot. My efforts to ensure that our relationship wasn't purely sexual in the beginning have backfired, so that now there's hardly any to speak of at all. We always cuddle and touch, but rarely sexually.

We do have a few issues to work on. Both of us, individually and severally. But the good news is that we can talk about things, like adults, when it counts. What a relief.