I write this on my new-ish computer. Old hard drive, new body. It's like my computer has had a facelift. Literally. But this one is all splotchy, and the splotches won't come off. Like Meg Ryan's plastic surgery. Meant to improve stuff, but turning it into something that more accurately resembles a duck than an ingenue. Hm.

I don't think The Boy is ever going to propose. I so deeply want him to, and it's practically all I can think about. I had almost fooled myself into thinking that he had secretly bought the ring and would propose when I least expected it, but now I'm resigning myself to the fact that his camera really does mean more to him. That he really does want to wait a few more years. The problem is that I don't think I can wait that long. We tell each other every day how much we love each other, and how we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Are we trying to convince each other, or ourselves? I know that I could spend forever with him, in wedded, relative bliss; however, I know he's still holding back, and that's making me hold back. I think. I don't know. I'm sick of thinking about it. And praying about it. And dreaming about it. And planning it, when IT isn't even going to happen for another few years. Is he just pulling a Chandler, i.e.: making me think he doesn't want to marry me for another few years? Or is he really serious?

I keep thinking of Christmas. You know, when he would say, "Sorry, baby, I can't afford to get you an MP3 Player," or , "Sorry hon, I can't afford to get you a digital camera." But he did. He just didn't want me to know he was going to. I want so badly for it to be that... that he's trying to knock me off the track.

It would be SO not like him to take advantage of such an amazing deal like that. 40%. Wow. Well, I'll give him another week. If nothing happens, I think I'll have to step it up a gear, and let him know how I really feel: That I can't wait forever for something, if he has no intentions of ever giving it to me.