I'm sitting at EC's desk right now. You have to hammer on the keyboard for it to work. It's maddening. Let's fix that. Better now? Much.

I'm doing all the maintenance on the computers. DR's gone, DF's gone, JT's gone, BD's gone... Man, it's nice and quiet today. Too bad it's storming like a mo' fo'. Yeah, that's right. I said mo' fo'.

I'm tired. I'm I'm I'm. I'm aware.

We went grocery shopping last night. I love food. I fully intended to buy healthy foods, but that fell by the wayside when I saw the Easter candy. Mmmm... resurrection candy....

I made an appointment for my road test. I'm scared. It's just two days before my birthday, so it will either be a day of celebration, because I've turned 27 and have my license, or it will be a day of celebration, because I've turned 27 and don't have my license. I'm cool either way, as long as I don't get into an accident or something.

I checked out the government web site yesterday, to look for job listings. There are lots, but they're really specialized, and none are in our area. It would be nice if I could find something like Dad was talking about... the CR3 or CR4 or whatever. I could definitely use $40K per year.

For some reason, I just remembered doing the taxes of an old woman, when I was in college. My instructor told me one day that he wanted me to go and do this old woman's taxes. So I went, and, of course, screwed it up, and had this poor woman owing over $9,000 even though she was on the Old Age Pension. So I told her that I would have my teacher fix it, and mail it in for her. Then I just sat with her and listened to her tell me stories about her life. She was so lonely, and her apartment (which was the size of a shoe box) smelled funny to my 18-year-old nose, and she wore a wig. I can't remember any details of her story, or even her name, but I felt so sad for her. I hugged her when I left, and she gave me an apple. I promised that I would go back and visit her one day, but I never did. I feel kinda bad about that now. This all happened when I was hanging around with LB a lot. I asked him if he would go and visit her with me, and he said he would. But we never did.

Anyway, LB was my best friend in my last year of high school, and first year of college. He was my ex-boyfriend's friend (DM), and after we broke up, LB and I started talking and hanging out more. We could talk about anything, and everything. I talked to him more than I talked to CP. I remember once, he was going to Hamilton with his family (wow!), and we stayed up talking on the phone all night, literally.

It wasn't long after that, I don't think, when he first asked me out. I think he said something like, "So, do you wanna try playing the dating game?" I had no clue what he was talking about... I said, "Huh? What do you mean?" And he said, "You have no idea that I'm crazy about you, do you?"

I'm all melty right now, thinking about it. I wasn't at the time though. I did the whole, "Oh, we're such good friends, and I wouldn't want to ruin it... blah blah blah."

He asked me a few more times after that, every few months or so, for maybe two years. And I never said yes.

Then, in maybe 1998, he called me. My then-boyfriend, TB, was going into the shower, and was going home that night. I asked LB if I could call him back later that night, so I did. We talked for hours, and I told him that I loved him and wished I'd taken him up on his many requests to play "the dating game." We talked for so long, about how nice it would have been, and he said, "For all these years, when I would talk to people, I would say, 'Yeah, T, she's the best.' But now I just want to hold you in my arms."

It would be a nice story if it had ended there, but it didn't.

The next time I was home, which wasn't long after that conversation, I saw him one of my first nights there. We went to the video store, and rented "Sex, Lies and Videotape." Then we went back to his parents' house (I'm not sure where they were). We cuddled on the couch, as we had a million times in the past, but then he started touching my hair or something... rubbing my neck maybe... I don't know. Anyway, we started kissing, and then I had to go to the bathroom.

Not a little tinkle. The most violent diarrhea I've ever experienced to this day. I spent the next hour in his upstairs bathroom, with it coming out of both ends. He was so sweet about it, and tried to spoonfeed me Pepto Bismol between trips to the bathroom.

We eventually realized that I would be spending the rest of the night in the bathroom, so we went downstairs to his room, which had a little ensuite. I can't believe I threw up and diarrhea-ed right next to his bedroom. Anyway, we stayed up all night, mostly naked in each other's arms, just kissing, and holding each other. I didn't want to kiss him because I must have tasted (and smelled) horrible, but he said he didn't care. He said he'd been waiting for it for so long, and he didn't care. He kept getting up with me, and going upstairs to get me glasses of water in the wee, small hours of the morning, so I would have something to throw up, instead of just dry heaving. All in all, despite being the most sick I've ever been, it was one of the best and most romantic nights of my life.

It would be a nice story if it had ended there, but it didn't.

He took me home in the morning, and then came to visit a few days later, and said it had all been a mistake, that we should never have kissed, that it was too confusing, since we lived so far apart, blah blah blah. I was heartbroken. I had S with me, so I held her so tight I'm surprised she didn't claw my eyes out. I remember saying, "Well, S wants my kisses." Such a feeble thing to say. I just couldn't believe that, after all the waiting, on both sides, it was now delegated to one of those nights that was regretted the morning after.

Even so, there'll always be a special place in my heart for Pepto Bismol.