It’s 4:30 a.m., and I’m sitting in bed, beside The Boy, who is fast asleep. A half-hour ago, I got off the phone with my dad. We talked for about an hour and 45 minutes. It was a great conversation. He admitted to me that he’s been drinking and gambling lately, but wants to stop. He knows that, if he doesn’t stop, he’ll go down the path he’s been avoiding for 20 years. He told me what Mom wants. It’s absolutely obscene. If she gets it, he’ll be in debt for the rest of his life. His lawyer thinks he should go to court, because then the truth will come out. She’ll have more to worry about than Dad’s pension, that’s for sure.

To be honest, I hope it doesn’t get to that. I hope she smartens up and takes what he’s offering her. I don’t want it to get ugly, because if it does, I’ll want her to lose.

Dad was told by one of her cousins (to whom I've spoken maybe 5 times in my life), that Mom and I are doing great, blah blah blah. I told him that I haven’t spoken to her since Christmas and, if he ever wants to know about me, he should come to me. I’m so sick of the grapevine.

Lots of other drama too. TB and MB broke up, and now MB is with CM. So that makes HB not talk to CoM, even though they used to be so close. I can’t imagine MB and CM. It’s just bizarre. I never trusted MB. Seriously. LB told me about her before they got married, and I haven’t forgotten. I feel bad for TB, but he’s young and I’m glad it’s happened now and not 20 years from now, like Mom and Dad.

CJ has shut down. Dad said that he hasn’t been eating, he’s been staying late at school, just not being himself. He told Dad that I haven’t been replying to his emails, which is pretty much the exact opposite of the truth. He hasn’t been replying to MINE! And now there’s trouble with him and J, so I promised Dad that I would try to talk to him in a day or two.

I also promised that I would call the DMV on Monday and make an appointment for my driver’s test. Yikes. I’m not ready for that but I know there will be a long waiting period, so I’m not too worried yet. He said that, if we flew home, he would give us the Mustang to drive, as long as one of us could drive standard. J

He said that JG was telling him how great his kids are. That we’re the smartest of the bunch… DG has no sense, CM lives off his daddy’s handouts, and CJ and I are taking care of ourselves as best we can. I said KM is trying, and Dad agreed with me. She just doesn’t seem to get any consideration from the family. Yes, she’s made mistakes, but she’s trying to make something of her life.

Dad also said again how much Grandad thinks of me. It feels weird, like they don’t really know me. Like they’ve idolized me since I moved away. I don’t know. It’s nice to be the white sheep of the family (the opposite of the black sheep?), but I feel very undeserving.

I also promised Dad that I would look into jobs with the federal government. He said that CR3s make up to $20 per hour, and CR4s make even more than that. He said that you can go online and see what the “test” would look like, and write it online. Oh, and if you work evenings, you get $2 more per hour. If we moved to the Island, and both worked at the GST, we would be rolling in dough! Definitely something to think about.

It’s 5:00 now, and I’m still not ready for sleep. Just so many thoughts running through my head. I want to go to the mall tomorrow (today) and see my ring again. I don’t want to wait anymore. I feel like, if he’s not ready now, he never will be. I know I’m not being fair, but I can’t help the way I feel. I want to start a new chapter.

I guess I should attempt to sleep. We’re supposed to go for breakfast with A&G, and then to see Starsky & Hutch. Should be a fun day. Maybe, if we can convince them to come to the mall, I can show G the ring.

Well, yeah, I’m gonna go. More tomorrow (later).