Sunday, August 31, 2003

Well, this has been one of the most eventful weeks of my life.

Monday – The boy’s grandfather passed away. He’d been sick for about three weeks with cancer. He was given six to eight weeks to live, and lasted just over three, I think.

Tuesday – We went to the first viewing in the evening. KC called and JH emailed me. I hadn’t spoken to either of them in weeks. I got really emotional at the viewing, because I was surrounded by a family pulling together in this time of need. I felt so lucky, because I knew that my family was just as close, if not closer. I knew that, no matter what else happens in my life, I’ve got my family.

Wednesday – We went to the viewing in the evening. Again, I got emotional at the viewing because I missed my family. Being around families makes me miss mine terribly. During the day, Bonnie (SG's friend) called to invite me to a surprise birthday party for S. I emailed WH, WG and Ru, to invite them. WH wrote back telling me that he was diagnosed with Hepatitis C last year, and won’t be able to make the party. Ru will be away for the weekend, and will write when she gets back. AR showed up at the office today. I couldn’t believe it. I wanted to cry my eyes out. I was so happy to see her and hug her! I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her and having her kick me in the ass now and then.

Thursday – I took the day off to go to the funeral. He was so adored by everyone who knew him! I later found out what an enigma he was. He was a very religious man: A man of God, but also very unaccepting of anyone who didn’t fit into his mold of what he believed was right. JF (another man of God) called the office to see how I’m doing, not knowing about the boy’s grandpa.

Friday – 7:00 a.m. The phone rings and my life is forever changed. I immediately think that someone has died. I answer the phone, and it’s Mom. Now I KNOW someone has died. The first thing she says is that no one has died. I can almost sense what she’s going to say, but need to hear her say it. Little do I know that it’s worse than I thought. She says, “Your father and I…” and I barely hear the rest. Until she says, “Now comes the hard part.” And I know what’s coming. I’ve suspected it for years, but didn’t want to believe it. So what if there have been days and weeks when you haven’t said hello to each other. So what if you’re not happy. That’s NO reason to cheat. If you’re not happy, you leave. Dad gave her everything she has ever wanted. She hasn’t just cheated on him. She’s cheated on her entire family, especially CJ and me. I can’t believe a word she’s ever said to me. I keep reliving conversations in my head, trying to remember a lie that I should have caught her in. She tries to make me feel sorry for her, by saying that Dad has told her to move out, and saying that he will probably drag her name through the mud. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, “Good. You fucking deserve it.” I spend the next two days trying to reach Dad and CJ to see if they’re okay.

Saturday – We go to the internment of the boy's grandfather, and I’m more emotional then ever. I feel bad, because everyone thinks it’s because of Grandpa, when it’s really me being selfish. My family will never be together again. What about when we get married? They probably won’t want to be in the same room together, ever again. Who can blame Dad? I’m so glad he didn’t just take her back again.

The Boy took the day off to go to the internment, so we went to Chapters, Costco and Wal-Mart to get a present for SG. Then we went to her party, for about five minutes. What a gorgeous house, but I wish we had been able to stay longer. The Boy said he had to blow his nose and use the bathroom, so we had to go. It was nice to see SG again though. We’ll have to get together soon.

When we get home, there’s a voicemail from Dad. I call him immediately. He doesn’t sound good at all. He said it’s not the first, second or third time that he’s caught her. He said it’s more like the eighth. It was absolutely heartbreaking. He said he’d given her everything she’d ever wanted. He’d never abused her. He quit drinking for her. I told him I was scared he would start again. He said he never would. He swore on Mama’s grave that he wouldn’t start getting stupid like that again. He said CJ knew about the last time, and was mad when Dad forgave her. I wish CJ had talked to me. I hate it that he kept that to himself and had to deal with it on his own. Dad said he was calling so I didn’t hear about it second-hand, and to make sure that I knew how much he loved me. He said he was just scared that he would lose CJ and me. I told him he will never lose me. I told him I love him with all my heart. He said they’re going to sell the house and he and CJ will move out of town, maybe to St. Eleanor’s or something. He said CJ told her he loves her because she’s his mother, but he will never forgive her. I wish I’d had the guts to say everything that was on my mind. Dad said he won’t bad talk her, and he wants us to respect her because she’s our mother, etc. If I knew where she was right now, I would call her and give her a piece of my mind. If the thought of her didn’t turn my stomach.

The Boy said it best: This is just the latest incident in a long line of Mom letdowns.

Sunday – We got up early, to try to salvage the remains of our weekend. We went to Tim Horton’s for a nice bagel breakfast, and then off to Port Dover. It was a lot nicer than I had imagined. We saw tons of motorcycles, which kept The Boy drooling like mad. We went into tons of West 49о-ish stores. It was nice though. Lots of souvenir shops, including the one with the cat lady. I wish we could have 11 cats. We got home and chilled for a while. The Boy had a nap and I did a few crossword puzzles. Then we went to Dundas to see the weird bench on the trail. I definitely felt something, but I don’t know if it was just my imagination or what. Next, we went to the pet cemetery in Ancaster. I was really nervous about going there, and really didn’t want to go. When we got there, it was actually beautifully maintained, and not creepy at all. The thing that did freak me out was the first gravestone I saw: A cat named T, born in 1977. Anyway, after I got over that, I realized that it was a really comforting place. I realized that it was a place where people could go to be close to the pets that comforted them in life. It would be so nice to be able to afford to do that for the pets. But you know what? People always find a way to afford it for people, so why not the pets? They’re much more deserving, that’s for sure. It was a nice feeling, knowing that there’s place for them to go when their work here is done. :)