Wednesday, September 24, 2003

I'm losing my mind. My mother is a whore, this we've known for years. Now, she's proving to be a gold digger too.

Friday, September 05, 2003

So much has happened in the past few weeks. Surprisingly enough, the car has really helped our relationship. We're getting along better than we ever have. I guess the independence is good for morale! It's nice to be able to just get up and go somewhere, and not have to take the bus schedules into consideration.

We've done lots together: Visiting museums, ghost hunting, amusement parks... Things that we were only able to do as part of a group, before we got the car. It's nice to just think of something to do, and do it!

Lots more has been going on though. He had a huge fight with A, his grandfather died, a friend of mine told me he's been diagnosed with Hep C, and my parents split up.

Yeah, that last one is the biggie for me. That sort of thing is supposed to happen when you're 11, not when you're approaching your 30s.

More later.

Okay, I'm back. So yeah, it's been a big week. A big, rotten, stinky week.

Mom called a week ago today, at 7:00 a.m. She NEVER calls me so, immediately, a list of people who could possibly have died runs through my head. The first thing she says to me is that no one has died. Even though there weren't "hit you over the head" warning signs, I knew what she was about to say. Then, she said, "Your father and I..." and I barely heard the rest. It all boiled down to the fact that she's a whore. Always has been, always be. I know that's a harsh thing to say about one's mother, but if the diaphragm fits, wear it and use it to have eight affairs and ruin your family's lives. For the time being anyway.

How do you forgive someone for that? I feel so betrayed and violated, so I can't even imagine how my dad must feel. I keep thinking back on conversations my mom and I have had about trust, and lying, and how honesty is the best policy. What a joke!!! Can anyone say hypocrisy? I also keep thinking back to determine whether or not I should have been able to catch her in lies, or know when she was going to see her boyfriends and making up thin excuses to cover her ass.

CJ told her that he would always love her, but would never forgive her. I wish I had had a chance to say that. When we were on the phone, I didn't know what to say. I was numb, shocked, and couldn't think of anything to do but cry. She told me that Dad told her to get out, and will probably drag her name through the mud, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "Good! You deserve it!!" I can't believe she was trying to glean some pity from me. She definitely didn't get any, and she's lucky we didn't talk longer, because the moment I hung up the phone, I started swearing, and cursing her down to the lowest, sobbing harder and louder than I ever have in my life. The Boy had only heard my half of the conversation, but had gotten the gist. He was so loving, and just held me and let me cry. I swore to him that I would never put him through this. Ever.

See, I'm not upset that my parents have split up. I'm actually really okay with that, because I know my dad can do so much better, and that my mom is a party girl who should never have gotten married in the first place. The shitty part is that she's been lying to us all this time. I can't understand how people can cheat. I really can't. If you're not happy, end the relationship, and THEN start a new one. The overlap is what kills me.

More later.