I was really good about the whole thing. Until The Boy got upset. When his feelings are hurt by his own family, there's a big problem that needs solving.

I guess the next thing that happened after I wrote last week was that we couldn't decide whether or not to go over for dinner on Saturday. Friday, when he was at work, his mom called and they had a yelling match. He finally let it all out, how much it hurt him that they were choosing to ignore his feelings (and mine) on the issue, and how it was just utterly inappropriate. Also, there was the issue of the exaggerated connection: Everyone would maintain that she was such a big part of the family for so long, and they were so close, blah blah blah. Not true. In reality, she would spend a week there, maybe two or three times a year, when she would come to town to visit The Boy. Other than that, he visited her. So this big connection that I thought they had doesn't even exist, aside from the images that they've built up in their own heads. That's almost more infuriating than if she had lived there for years. I don't know. It's such a mess.

Anyway, so he tells his mom that we probably won't go over for dinner, since he was still really upset about it, and didn't want to hear people talk about her, etc.

Oh, the other thing he was pissed at was the fact that C (his bro), called to ask him to order a video for him, and said something along the lines of, "Hey may... It's C. You know, the brother who won't be in your wedding party?" That pissed both of us off. We never said who is or isn't going to be in our wedding party, with the exception of his sisters, who TOLD me they were my bridesmaids. Never mind the fact that I've got friends, and two sisters of my own to think of! They all so selfish sometimes. Anyway, The Boy made it clear to him that whoever he heard that from was talking out of their asses. What was said was that, since his two sisters would be bridesmaids, I would like my brother and uncle (S, who is more like a brother) to be groomsmen. I would like us to have the most important people in our lives be in the party, and I think I'll have a hard time making them realize that it's our wedding, not just a party that they get to go to, and that they're not automatically entitled to be a participant. God it sucks that they're all so young and have never experienced this before.

What was said was that the people who can't be in the wedding party would have some other important job to do, like a reading, or attend the guest book, or hand out programs, etc. There's tons to do, so it won't be hard to find jobs for everyone. I just wish they would stop drawing their own conclusions. The Boy never said who would or who wouldn't be in the party, so the fact that his mom and sister were doing this calculation ("Well, T's two, plus A, only leaves two spots, so one of the brothers is going to be left out!"), is ridiculous. We haven't even decided how many attendants we're having, so who told them five? They should all just shut it. :)

Anyway, back to the fight. The Boy was really upset about it, and so was I. I was at R's when he called my cell to tell me about it, and I felt sick for the rest of the day. I just felt horrible for him. So I thought I would probably give him time to cool off and then gently broach the subject. It worked.

Friday night, after work, we went to Chapters and he bought me my Jane magazine (check it out if you haven't already. It's a fashion mag for the real woman, i.e. no super expensive clothes, and lots of interesting articles, not counting Pam Anderson's. Ew.), and a new book called What a Girl Wants by Liz Maverick. I'm liking it so far. You have to like a book that, within the first chapter, has the subject both discovering a dead body in the cubicle next to hers and making out with the investigating detective. It's cute chick lit so far. I'll keep you posted.

Saturday morning, I got up early (read, with him), and asked, "How are you feeling this morning?" in a meaningful way. He said that he wasn't as mad as he was the night before (I knew he would cool down over night.). I said we should probably go to his parents' for dinner. He agreed. He said he would call his mom from work, and patch things up. So he did. She saw his side, and made a decent point: When his ex calls and ASKS if she can come to visit, she puts them in a horrible position. They don't want to hurt her by saying no, and they don't want to hurt us by saying yes. Anyway, he just said it wasn't worth fighting over, so we would be there for dinner. Which we were. It was weird. We walked into the backyard, and The Boy said, "No ex-girlfriends here, are there?" Everyone had a great laugh over that. Then, his mom said, "We said no talking about that, or weddings, so I'll only say one thing: A got really upset because M and J kept calling her T." I LOVED that. :) (His sisters were calling his ex by my name out of habit.) :)

So we had a nice dinner, and I brought the invitations over to show his mom, and she oohed and awwed over them. We left there and went to Shoppers' for snacks. Then, we came back home and watched Bubba Ho-Tep. Seriously, a great movie. Absolutely hilarious. Bruce Campbell kicks SO much ass. I kept missing bits because I was laughing so hard, so we kept having to rewind the DVD. (Not that a DVD is actually re-wound, but you know what I mean.) Great movie.

Sunday, we went to the Ontario Renaissance Festival. It was pretty cool, but I wasn't able to find the two things I most wanted to find: Sealing wax for our invitations and a backgammon set. I thought there would be places to buy things like that, but none of the shops had anything like that in stock. There were other games that I'd never heard of, and they didn't really interest me. The shop that was supposed to have the wax and seals said that their merch hadn't arrived yet! Anyway, we had a great time, and got a horrible sunburn. We were there for four or five hours. The Boy was loving the costumes, obviously, with all the "top boob," (a.k.a. "cleavage") walking around. It was pretty funny actually. Annoying sometimes too though. He kept saying, "You should get a dress like that," and "That dress would look awesome on you!" and, "Let's get married in those clothes!" I don't know about that. Some of the gowns were beautiful, but most were pretty shabby. I loved listening to the employees talk to each other. They used faux accents all the time, and yelled things like, "God save the queen!" to each other. I loved that, and the minstrels. I was born in the wrong time period. I think The Boy's favourite part was the jousting. There was one knight who was actually thrown from his horse. The horse reared up, and fell backwards, on top of the knight! It looked like the horse landed on his leg. Ouch. He got right back on though, and went on to win the tournament. :)

We walked around lots, and I won a free beer on my first try with a crossbow. :) I gave the beer to the lady who taught me to play Quarto. I liked hearing her talk too. She did the accent thing.

After we saw everything we decided to head home. Oh, I forgot to mention that, when we arrived at the fairgrounds and were putting our bags in the trunk, I looked around and saw a woman crying her head off. I looked behind her and saw that she had totally backed into a parked van. I have no idea how it could have happened. The back of her car hit the passenger side of the van, so the passenger in the van couldn't get out. The driver of the car couldn't have been looking at all. I have no idea how it could have happened.

So we left the festival and headed for Toys 'r Us. The Boy bought us a 3-in-1 game set. It's pretty cool: There's backgammon, checkers and chess. :) We played a few games last night. I'm happy to say I'm the backgammon queen. We went to his comic store to finally pick up his three issues of Fangoria, but they had closed his mailbox! He was pretty disappointed, but tried to cover it with sour grapes, saying, "Well, Fango sucks now anyway. I only used to buy it because I felt obligated to since they kept ordering it for me." I think I'll get him a subscription for his birthday, so they'll just send it here. That would be nice. We'll see.

I want to go on What Not to Wear. I SO want a makeover. I SO want people to tell me what would look best on me. I SO want $5,000 to spend on a new wardrobe. I SO want Stacy to teach me how to walk in heels. I SO want to be a size six. *sigh* Alas, I'll have to wait and make myself over when I've got the laptop paid for. Maybe I'll go to Reitman's this weekend and buy a new thing or two. That always makes me feel better: I don't have to spend much, but I feel good wearing new things.

I've been listening to lots of country music lately. I guess working at R's has had an effect on me. I love Paul Brandt's "Leavin'," Sara Evans's "Suds in the Bucket," and Lisa Brokop's "Wildflower."

I've been writing whatever comes to mind, because I didn't want to start working on the web site. Well, now it's 5:07, and the work day is over, so this is Uptown Out. :)

I'm at my wits' end. When I was that the bus stop last night, I called The Boy, like I always do when I'm waiting for the bus. He said he called his parents' house to talk to A about a game or something, and J answered the phone and asked if he'd gotten the "411." She then told him that his ex was on her way over to spend the night. They laughed over how pathetic it was. They hung up and his mom called him back and said, "So I heard you called and J told you something she wasn't supposed to." Needless to say, that pissed him off to no end. But she pacified him by saying that she was just going there to hang out with M, and they didn't want to upset us, blah blah blah.

Today, I'm online talking to M, and she's talking about what a wonderful date she had last night with the guy she just started seeing. Obviously, I found that a little funny. So I said, "Wow... she goes all the way there to hang with you, and you ditch her?" She said, (and I quote) "she hung with my mom and then my sis and her went to see the notebook..and i didnt want to go so i went out with matt..and then i got home at 11 and me and her hung all night chatting about life and shit and catching up.... it was great. and today we hung out....got pizza and now c is coming up to hang. i dont want to sound mean..or anything..but ive missed her..and i no the awkward position ur in.....i get that..but i dont no ive missed her alot..just cause we use to be soo close u no..im sorry"

My response was, "It's cool. Anyway, I have tons of work to do, so we'll talk later, k?"

If someone had told me that I would still be dealing with this after three years, I would have said it wasn't worth it. Right now, I'm saying it might not even be worth it. I'm so fucking sick of it. I can't build a bond with my "new family" while they're still like this. It's like she's a fucking saint or something. I'm so sick of it. If the shoe were on the other foot, they would think it was inexcuseable. Every time I think we're making progress (looking at pictures together and making plans, etc. the other night), something like this happens. I can't fucking deal with this anymore. I can't go over there every week, the best version of myself, posing as a member of the family, knowing that she is still such a big part of their lives. And The Boy is even more upset than I am, if possible.

What the fuck do I do??? I know. Nothing. I can't go over there for dinner this weekend. I won't.

We had a pretty good weekend. Friday, we went to his parents' for dinner, because we hadn't been there in a few weeks, and wouldn't be going on Saturday. It was really nice. I brought the laptop, so his mom and I sat while I showed her pictures from the balloon trip and my "wedding stuff" ideas. She said I have very good taste. :)
 
Saturday, I worked all day. Literally. I so wanted to have all the merging/purging done for GoldMine. Anyway, The Boy got home around 5:30, and we set out to Midland, to A&G's trailer. We brought the tent, and bought an air mattress. We were pretty excited. We stopped at Harvey's for some dinner-on-the-run, and then drove to Midland. It only took 2.5 hours, which was good, we were told.
 
A taught us how to play backgammon, and I'm now addicted. Then, we played the CSI board game, which was fun but ultimately tough to win. We got to sleep around 2 a.m. In the morning, we got cleaned up and packed up the tent and stuff, and went to this castle village. There was a horror museum in the basement that The Boy totally dug. I loved the gift shop. There were hundreds of wooden boxes of all different designs, trunks, baskets... I love containers! :)
 
Then we did a tour of a fairy tale trail, which had "replicas" of fairy tale houses. Like the gingerbread house from Hansel & Gretel, the clock from Hickory Dickory Dock, the three bears' house, blah blah blah. They were pretty cute. We headed back to their trailer, and G and I played a few more games of backgammon while The Boy read his Xbox magazine and A did a test on his computer. We had some lunch, hung out for a bit longer, and then took off for home.

Traffic was crazy coming home, but we knew it would be. Anyway, we had a great weekend. Last night we continued to root for Ken Jennings on Jeopardy, and then watched The Casino, one of our favourite new shows.
 
GoldMine kicks ass, and I'm glad to have it back, but it's taking forever for us to get it up and running. I've been synching with the server for like two hours now, and it's still not done. I think our connection here sucks (I'm at R's house today), so that's probably why it's taking so long.
 
I guess that's it for now. Is this thing on?

Well, I haven't written in a while, and I don't really have an excuse; however, I don't really have much to write about either. I guess the one exciting thing that's happened is that Mom called and said she was in Etobicoke with the sisters for a girls' getaway. After some figuring, we decided to meet them for dinner Wednesday night.

Why? After all that's happened, especially what I learned last week, why would I bother? Because, as much as I hate myself for it, there's still a spark somewhere deep (REALLY deep) inside me that hopes she'll wake up one morning and be the mother I've always wanted. For whatever reason, I just can't give up on her and, again, I hate myself for it.
 
She was so happy to see us, and she and her friends loved my ring and the pictures we showed them. The Boy had a good point when he said, "She couldn't leave her friends behind to just have dinner with the two of us?" I felt it was a good idea for them to come though because, otherwise, it would have been the three of us sitting and staring at each other for two hours. It was nice to chitchat with her friends. They're pretty cool ladies.
 
When we were driving home afterward, The Boy asked what why I was so quiet, and I started to cry because I'd been thinking about how it didn't feel like I'd just eaten dinner with my mom. I still missed her. I missed how we once were, which wasn't perfect by any means, but it was normal for me. It just sank in, for the zillionth time, that we would probably never have that again: That I will probably never be able to forget everything and just be cool hanging out with her. There would always be unspoken words running through my head, screaming to come out. I had to bite my tongue over and over again, to just not let everything out. But I was a good girl.
 
And I made sure that The Boy and I had our own separate bill.

I think I've figured it out: My mother held her childhood against her kids, thereby doing the same thing to us as she feels was done to her.

I will break the chain.

So the funny thing I forgot to tell you is that, when I went to pick up the invitations, I was so excited, I bought twice as many as we need!

When I did the guest list, I came up with about 225 people and, in Excel, I had a column for the number of people in the party and the number of invitations required. Well, I needed 98 invitations, but forgot all about it when I went to get the invites. I bought 250! I howled my ass off. I was thinking how great it was that I was able to get 25 extra, just in case mistakes happen, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, I could have bought 150 and still had tons extra!!! LOL

Thank God they were only $5 for 50! LOL

The inn.

#2

Here are two views of the Empire room, and one pic of the front of the inn. I think it's gorgeous!!! And the price is right! (Can't get much better than free room rental!)

Forgot to mention. Talked to the Loyalist yesterday. Super nice girl. Room rental would be free, and a three-course meal (salad, roast turkey and the fixings, and dessert) would be $16.75 per person. I couldn't believe it, considering that J&C are paying like $75 per person here. Hooray for Summerside!!! The $16.75 doesn't include beverages though, but we're having a combination bar so it shouldn't be too bad. Probably $10 per person, and then they can get their own.

It's a pretty nice site, and I think The Boy really likes it... Plus, we get 10% off if anyone wants to book a room there for the wedding. I'll post a picture or two in a sec. I love Hello Photoblogging!

Dad called last night. Mom called him yesterday morning with some sob story about how J needs a new laptop and she needs to use Dad's credit card to help him buy one. First of all, J is Mom's sister's fiancé's son. What business is it of hers to buy him a laptop? Secondly, if J really did need a laptop, his dad sure as hell wouldn't go to Mom for help. Thirdly, why the fuck would she ask for my dad's credit card?? The person she's been fucking over royally for the past year? Now she thinks she can call and he'll bail her out again, like he's always done?

Then, Dad found out from his sister, H, that Mom called her and asked if she could take over some of her jobs next week, because she's going to Ontario. Nice of her to mention to me that she'd be here. So Dad said he just wanted to tell me about it, in case she told me she couldn't visit me because he wouldn't give her the credit card. I told him I would have been super pissed if he let her use it. Especially since she didn't tell me anything about being in town.

Then he said that she asked if he'd heard about T&G's news. He said of course, that we had called him on Sunday. She got all pissy and said, "OH. They didn't call me until Monday." Bullshit. As I blogged that day, I called and left the voicemail for Dad and two seconds later I left a voicemail for her. And she called me back that night. She asked Dad, not that it was any of her business, if he would help us pay for the wedding. He said of course he would, that that's what fathers do. She said, "Well, don't let her walk all over you. You know T. She'll take whatever she can get."

How many things are wrong with those sentences? First of all, never mind that it's cruel, hurtful and 100% false, it came from my own mother. Second of all, it came from the biggest hypocrite in the world, considering that she was just trying to hit her ex (my dad) up for money. Third of all, if she talks like that to my dad, how does she talk about me to others? Fourth, she just wrote herself out of everything wedding-related but the guest list. You can rest easy, Mom. I won't be taking anything from you. I fucking promise.

We got our invites last night. They're exactly like these, but rectangle, not square. Simple but elegant, yes? :)

We had our first meltdown. Last night, he said that I've taken over, and haven't asked his opinion on stuff... That I've just mentioned stuff and, when he says, "Yeah, that sounds cool," it doesn't actually mean that I can run with it.

That said, we're getting invitations tonight! Woohoo!

This is the cake we like, with our monogram on the top layer. I think it's pretty snazz, minus the roses on top. Not sure what we'll want for a top yet.

So we've been engaged for almost a week, and we're still sane. I think he's agreed to an August wedding, though he hasn't said so to me. (He mentioned to his mom when she asked.) I don't want it to be "my" wedding. I want it to be "our" wedding. But it will be hard for me to plan a wedding for us if he doesn't provide any input. Thankfully, he's been a little more open to talking.

As I said before, we like black, white and silver for our colours. His mom was weird about having the bridesmaids in black, but I think it's a generational thing. Everyone our age thinks, like us, that it will look mucho eleganto. :) We agreed on a cake, and that we'll have our promise rings gold plated for our wedding bands (if the jewellry store will do that).

I tried calling the Loyalist yesterday, to ask about their pricing, since they don't have it listed anywhere on their web site, but the booking manager wasn't there. I'll have to try again this week I guess.

I'm starting that August 2005 may be too soon. The more I read about all the details, the planning, the expenses... the more spooked I get, and the more I realize that waiting is probably a good idea; however, I've had my heart set on August 27th, 2005, for ages, and it would be especially nice because he proposed on June 27th. I know, I'm a sentimental freak.

I think we can handle an August 2005 wedding. Totally. Like I said to The Boy, it's not like we have to have $10K up front. Plus, we'll be getting help from both sides.

Everyone's been so kind. His aunt J sent a card of congratulations. We've had like 20 emails and phone calls. It's been wonderful. His grandma had a Canada Day barbecue on Thursday, so J and M picked me up so I could go (Ancaster bus wasn't running on the holiday, and The Boy had to work). I walked into the backyard, and everyone swarmed around me to see the ring. No "Hi," "How are ya," just "Let me see the rock!!" It was pretty cute. His entire family was so happy for us. It made me feel really good that they welcomed me so warmly. And it seems like most people will be coming to the wedding, which is a pretty good thing. :)

Now I'm just going to do some laundry, then get ready for dinner with his parents. More later!